Who will catch me

So I was sitting here trying to write...lately I have had some writers block & I was trying to figure out why so decided to just sit down & write what was on my mind to get my juices going...this is what I got...

So its 2011 & I'm not sure where I am going, I know where I have been...I think acknowledging where you have been helps you be able to see where you need to go...but right now I don't know what path I should take...I could easily go back where I came from, that place is safe, comfortable & familiar...but I'm not sure that's enough for me anymore...I want to be HAPPY, LOVED, IN LOVE, & for once really feel it..live it..lead with my heart instead of my head...But damn my head sure knows how to be heard no matter how hard I try to ignore it...I hear my head saying self "Don't be an idiot, Don't be stupid" which is playing dirty...because my head knows I can be called allot of things (and I have been) but there is nothing worse in my opinion than being known as stupid!!...My heart even feels the pain of this implication..I may or may not be allot of things but stupid IS NOT one I would ever want to be!!! I think that comes from the fear of becoming my mother...now before everyone gets mad at me...let me explain that statement...first I love & adore my mother, sure she drives me crazy at times but that's her job...and at times in my life I asked myself "who is the parent here" but I wouldn't trade her for any other mother in the world because she one of the best people I have ever known...and she has an amazing strength I can only wonder at... What I mean by my statement is that when it comes to relationship choices my mother couldn't be referred to as smart...& I never wanted to make those mistakes...the ones my Mom made... I always felt she made decisions with her eyes closed & heart & arms wide open...Never worrying about why or who would be there, but instead just take a blind leap into the unknown...Her method was JUMP, LEAP figure it out later...Well I watched her leap & jump and fall flat on her face so many times...and no matter how hard the fall she would always get back up...I used to pray that she would just open her eyes..close her arms & keep her feet firmly planted on the ground.... but as I look back I have some envy of my Mom's freedom, as I look I see that I also have learned how I can just close myself off from taking any leaps or jumps of my own, While my Mom's methods are still not for me...I just don't have it in me to take random leaps...but I do wish I could every now and again close my eyes without worrying about tomorrow & just leap...arms wide open & see if anyone is there to catch me....or if I would just fall flat like I suspect...maybe someday I will go for it...I hope if I do I am proven wrong....